Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a practical, relationship-focused approach for couples caught in the same stuck cycle. It works with the pattern underneath the argument, and with what each person brings to it.
Therapy can begin with both partners or with one person, when you are ready before your partner is.
Individual relationship therapy offers a place to begin when you're experiencing difficulty within a significant relationship or want support understanding your own patterns.
The focus remains relational: we look at your relationship with yourself, the other person, and the patterns between you.
Many couples do not need more insight into what they argue about. They need help seeing the pattern that takes over when conflict, distance, disappointment, or longing enters the room.
Relational Life Therapy was developed by family therapist and author Terry Real. It works with the familiar cycle beneath the argument, whether one person pursues while the other withdraws, one carries more of the emotional or practical load, or both feel unheard and alone.
RLT also has a specific way of working with power in a relationship. Where one partner sits one-up, through contempt, grandiosity or always having to be right, and the other sits one-down in shame or self-blame, the imbalance itself becomes the thing to work with. Rather than treating both halves as equal, this approach names where more of the harm is landing and holds the accountability there, while still helping each person see their own part.
We identify the automatic moves that keep you stuck: shutting down, escalating, criticising, appeasing, pursuing, withdrawing, or keeping score. The aim is not to decide who is right, but to see what the pattern is costing the relationship.
We explore how early attachment experiences, family roles, cultural expectations, and protective strategies may shape how each person responds when they feel threatened, unseen, overwhelmed, or disconnected. This can include the gendered expectations you may have inherited about care, work, emotion, power, sex, or who is expected to carry the relationship.
We build usable skills for speaking up without attacking, listening without collapsing, setting boundaries, taking responsibility, repairing after conflict, and creating more room for emotional and physical connection.
My work is also informed by attachment theory, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic awareness, and a culturally responsive systems lens. This helps us attend not only to the interaction between you, but to the histories, bodies, families, social expectations, and protective parts that shape it.
I have completed Relational Life Therapy Level 1 and am currently completing Level 2 of the full RLT therapist certification. I am also listed in the Relational Life Foundation directory.
I also take part in the Relational Life Foundation's affordable therapy initiative. Places, rates and matching for that program are arranged by the Foundation directly, and enquiries go through their form.
The 20-minute consultation is a brief conversation about what is happening, what you're looking for, and whether this work is a good fit. It is not a therapy session.
For couples, both partners are encouraged to attend where possible.